Modern Primate

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Posts Published February 2012

  1. As they often do, Google has once again rewritten the legalese behind their privacy policy and terms of service agreements.

    Over on Slacktory, Miles Lothe has decoded the documents meanings and re-encoded them in the vernacular of the common dudebro. Check out both articles using the links below.

    This Shit Matters: Google’s New Terms of Service, Straight Talk Edition

    This Shit Matters: Google’s New Privacy Policy, Straight Talk Edition

  2. noscrubs

    The body image issues that women face is a well-trodden subject. One that I am neither qualified nor interested in talking about.

    But the body image issues that men deal with is something I think about a lot but rarely hear discussed. Male body image issues is a complicated subject and I think the best way to explain it would be to describe my personal experiences.

    Read More »

  3. If we’ve learned anything from Leap Day William, the most amazing and well-known holiday representative in all the world, it’s that things done every February the 29th do not count. It’s a freebie day, a time when inhibitions and societal norms are cast aside because you know what? Tomorrow it’ll be March. Sometimes, however, people don’t know what to do to commemorate Leap Day, as though it weren’t important at all. Come on, people; it’s Leap Day for Pete’s sake! Don’t just take a Xanax and forget about it. To help those poor souls who may be uncertain what possibilities await them, I’ve compiled a list of 29 things one could, hell, even SHOULD do today.

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  4. Modern Primate partner site 11 Points has a great list of random facts about today.

    February 29th is the one day where women are traditionally expected to propose to men. And not just in Amy Adams movies. This actually is an Old Country (who knows which Old Country) tradition. And if the man turns you down, he’s supposed to give you cash or clothing. Seems like a fair tradeoff for an eternity of humiliation, shattered self-esteem, and futile attempts to find someone who wants to buy a second-hand, unlucky engagement ring sized for a giant man-sized finger.

    Read more

  5. Halfway through his spot-on impersonation of Grandpa Simpson shaking his fist at an Oscar statue, Billy Crystal dream-sequenced his audience into a yesterday that never was. Specifically, a focus group for The Wizard of Oz, starring none other than Christopher Guest and Company.

    Read More »

  6. wipes for men

    There’s no such thing as a Masculine Hygiene aisle in the drug store. Women have the benefit of talking about hygiene with one another, but men have no such expectation of understanding. As a result, there are countless men walking around with skid marks in their underwear, leading their significant others to wonder “why can’t he wipe his own ass?”

    Read More »

  7. oscars

    Last night’s Academy Awards ceremony was, largely, a foregone conclusion. For the last several years, the myriad of other awards that lead up to the Oscars have begun to fairly accurately predict the winners and because of this “Hollywood’s Biggest Night” has lost some of its intrigue. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does take away some of the fun. And even the nominees seem to be aware of the trend. When asked about whether or not he had written an acceptance speech, George Clooney rather glibly stated, “I think this year the acceptance speech will be in French.” This aside, there was much to enjoy as well as disparage about the whole affair, so let’s dive right in.

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  8. popcorn oscars

    Every year, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences rewards Hollywood’s best and brightest with the world’s most expensive chocolate bunny. This is very exciting! The event itself, however, is very boring. Fortunately, I’ve been diligently drinking all evening, and based on what I’ve seen of the 7 hour-long ceremony, have come up with a helpful cheat-sheet for those of you who, like myself, haven’t actually seen any of the films — with the exception of Bridesmaids, which you can Google your own damn selves.

    Read More »

  9. Facebook ID Card

    In compliance with Facebook’s policy on persistent identity, physical ID cards are being made available through the newly formed FB Bureau of Identity.

    All able-bodied men and women above the age of 13 are asked to pick up their new ID cards at Supermarkt, Berlin, Germany on Friday, March 2nd, at 7:00 PM.

    Read More »

  10. extremecaturday

    The editor told me that since it’s Saturday, he wanted me to post something about cats. He tried to tell me there’s nothing wrong with grown men who look at pictures of kittens. I couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not, so I got to thinking about how to pump some more testosterone into that idea.

    Read More »

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