Modern Primate

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Posts Published March 2012

  1. No matter how self confident you are in meeting business associates, clients, customers, or even new friends, meeting your partner’s parents is a daunting task. If you don’t agree, you’re probably Norman Bates.
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  2. titanic3d

    Titanic is getting a 3D release next weekend. I find this deplorable. Titanic was the highest grossing film of all time for over a decade until it was finally beaten by Avatar, a 3D film by the same director, James Cameron. So Cameron’s got the first and second highest grossing movies of all time and now he’s retrofitted it into 3D and is releasing it again to shamelessly make money? Granted, many people love this movie, though I am certainly not among them, and I know it’s probably going to do pretty well in its 3D format, but I’m taking a stand. I can think of literally 11 horrible things I’d rather do next weekend than pay money to see this sinking boat in three dimensions. And here those eleven things are.

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  3. You just lost it.

    The Hunger Games is definitely not the first work of fiction to suppose what would happen if people had to hunt and kill each other. In fact, staying with the “game” theme, a very famous short story called The Most Dangerous Game was published in 1924 which depicted a shipwrecked man being hunted for sport by an aristocrat. This story has been adapted into films a number of times over the years and none more ridiculously than Ernest R. Dickerson’s 1994 film, Surviving the Game. This film is an exercise in scenery chewing and features some of the hammiest actors in the world performing some of the silliest action scenes you’ll ever see. It’s also thoroughly entertaining and more than once you’ll likely laugh out loud.

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  4. santorum toys

    So far, the Presidential nomination process has supplied the American people with enough facepalms and uncomfortable laughter to last every man, woman and child well into 2013. Lost in this torrid shitshow has been the subtle art of political slashfic—UNTIL NOW. Each week I’ll select a particular media artifact (a picture, video clip, or ill-conceived comment) and will write a story based on the people, places or things contained therein. Today, Rick Santorum says a naughty word and pays the price!

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  5. django

    During the 1960s and 70s, literally thousands of westerns were made in Italy. Using Sergio Leone’s seminal film A Fistful of Dollars as a jumping-off point, these pop-art, amoral, revisionist westerns were churned out by the truckload for the European and American markets to devour. While a good many of these are by-the-numbers action movies, certain films and filmmakers sought to use the format to make art. While violence was always a big part of these Spaghetti Westerns, one of the most violent, darkest, and altogether strangest ones I’ve ever seen is Giulio Questi’s 1967 film Django Kill…If You Live, Shoot! It’s a mix of gothic horror and western with some truly brutal violence, surreal cinematography, and pretty blatant homosexual overtones. And what an odd title. It’s a movie that has probably been seen by few in America, but it’s one that certainly deserves to be viewed by more.

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  6. cowabungaswag

    Early ’90s nostalgia is the only reason any of us is even talking about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the first place. A Michaelangelo without dated California surfer lingo just isn’t worth watching. So if Michael Bay wants to make a Turtles movie that people won’t hate, he should take note: the arcade classic Turtles in Time provides a great beginning point that can bring the tubular terrapins into the present day while keeping it canon.

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  7. Nate Smith, Best Dad Ever: The Hunger Games in 20 Seconds

    In case you haven’t seen The Hunger Games yet, Slacktory’s got a trailer with rare, never before seen footage!

    Watch the homemade Hunger Games. »

  8. pokemon_banner

    I recently signed the lease on my first non-roommate apartment, and in an attempt to get truly settled in, I began unpacking a lot of boxes that I’d been lugging along with me for years. This included a box full of about 600 Pokemon cards that I collected in middle school, and a bunch of various plush dolls of Nintendo characters. One of the perks of this apartment is that it’s a few blocks away from my best friend’s apartment, and he’s having a baby any day now. Well, his girlfriend is having the baby. (An intentional baby!) So I donated all of my Nintendo dolls to their kid’s toy chest, which was a little more of a “Toy Story 3 moment” than I’d like to admit.

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  9. [via vitamina-calcium]
  10. womenincages

    “This movie is trying so hard to be sexy yet doing it in such a grotesque fashion that you can’t help but laugh at its arch characterization and infantile understanding of women.”

    Attention women: Do not move to the Philippines, start dating a pimp, get hooked on opiates, and agree to take the fall for crimes you didn’t commit. If you do, you might end up in one of apparently 50 hellish female prisons on the islands, such as the one from the 1971 sexploitation extravaganza, Women in Cages.

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