Modern Primate

man, that's deep

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Posts Published April 2012

  1. Uh oh, you guys! Grandma just said “sucking a d—-.” Yes she did.

  2. Food-of-the-Gods-poster

    If we’ve learned anything from Night of the Lepus, it’s that giant animals, no matter how cuddly, are terrifying. How scary would it be if the animals weren’t so cuddly? It’d probably be the most horrific thing you’ve ever seen. Rats! Wasps! Chickens? Unsuspecting people are stuck fighting all of these in the nature-fights-back movie, The Food of the Gods from 1976, a film based on a novel by sci-fi maestro H.G. Wells and directed by animals-climbing-on-models maestro Bert I. Gordon. This is a film that’s scares are equaled only by its silliness.

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  3. vagina

    Just when I thought that image macros were a dying medium, this meme comes along and makes me laugh uncontrollably. Also, I’m 12.

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  4. How To Treat a Lady Awesome Relationship

    Sometimes you’ve got to take a long hard look at yourself. And not just in the “Should I do a juice cleanse?” kind of way. More along the lines of “I’m in a relationship and I want to make sure I’m still being a human. A good one.” Here’s a quick/not Myers-Briggs way to self-assess:

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  5. Hi Max! You were born about a week ago and I accompanied you on your first walk yesterday. It’s pretty great being a baby! You’re not even an ugly baby so that’s awesome! Good job! You should probably just focus on eating and pooping for the next decade or so, but when you decide to jump on the sapience bandwagon I’ve got some advice for you — because my miserable life is full of regrets, and that’s what advice is! When you take advice from people older than you it’s like you get to have the wisdom of regrets without actually having to make the accompanying mistakes. So listen up!

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  6. Excited for The Avengers? So am I. This week I taught my son how to be a super hero.


  7. greatest tv mustaches

    No type of facial hair is more controversial than the mustache, or moustache depending on how awesome you are. Throughout the years, mustaches have conveyed everything from porn star, to child molester, to police officer, to lumberjack. Can a strip of hair on a guy’s lip really be both feared and trusted? Of course it can! Television has supplied us with hundreds of epic mustachios over the years, but 11 stand head and shoulders above the rest. Here are: THE 11 GREATEST MUSTACHES IN TV HISTORY!

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  8. downsgirl

    It’s sad but true. When Liz Crowter found out that people on Facebook had been laughing at the expense of her Down’s Syndrome-afflicted daughter Heidi, she was outraged.

    “It’s almost like Faceless rather than Facebook, we have been repeatedly trying to take these distressing sites down and I have not once had a direct response.”

    According to an article in The Sun, no one from Facebook ever made contact with Liz to resolve the issue. Why not?

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  9. Brad-OFarrell-and-the-Count-to-Potato-Girl

    This morning, Brad O’Farrell got a lot of people really upset by posting an image from a really poorly researched article on The Sun.

    Obviously he’s the one responsible for every bad thing ever done on the Internet ever.

    Read all about it on our brother blog Slacktory. »

  10. lesraisons

    Everybody loves to pretend they know what wine is supposed to taste like. “Woody” and “nutty” are not things I’d like to hear when describing a beverage, but who am I to judge. Wine has always been a big thing in Europe, however, specifically France. They love the stuff; drink it like it’s water. It’d sure be a shame if something infected the wine and made people sick, wouldn’t it? Maybe even turn them into puss-spewing, murderous zombies. This is exactly what happens in Jean Rollin’s 1978 slow-paced gorefest: Les Raisins de la Mort, or to us ‘mericans: The Grapes of Death.

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