Modern Primate

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Posts Published May 2012

  1. goatselenses

    Google’s wearable augmented reality computer thingie Project Glass (AKA “Google Goggles”) are finally past the initial prototype phase and are set to begin public test-marketing very soon, reports the New York Times.

    While the current system is housed in a pair of conspicuous spectacles, Babak Parviz hopes to bring the system to the contact lens displays he developed back in ’09.

    With the pixels sitting on the surface of your eye, behind the eyelid rather than in front… imagine the possibilities! If you thought it was fun to send your friends to a Goatse site with windows that evade closing, imagine a Goatse you literally cannot look away from, even with your eyes closed!

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  2. In the last week, Facebook stock continued its nosedive, one man ate another man’s face, all the good TV shows are going off the air, and we now live in Amercia!

     

  3. The Black Hole

    Space movies were all the rage in the late 1970s. Everybody wanted to capitalize on the success of George Lucas’ Star Wars (see my earlier post about 1978’s Starcrash).  By “everybody,” I mean EVERYBODY and Disney certainly did not want to be left in the lurch. The problem is, the only script they had was for a film modeled after 2001: A Space Odyssey and was much more about concepts and pathos than action and adventure. Add to it a strange cast of older actors and some silly-voiced robots and you have one of the weirdest, most delightful failures in history. I’m speaking, of course, of 1979’s The Black Hole.

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  4. Reddit is a massive platform for many fragmentary communities. Sometimes altruistic, sometimes annoyingly-rapey, every now and then there are gems like this one in /r/AskMen that can change your mind about the site all together.

    I like to catch snakes. I make a mean chili. I’m dominant in the bedroom. But I also do character voices for fun, and one is called “Mrs. Billowsails” who sounds a bit like Julia Child. Another character I do is “Buzz Killington”.

    And sometimes when my gf has something I want, usually food or drink, I might say in a higher voice “Ooooh! Gimme gimme gimme!” as I reach out, opening and closing my hands like a 4 year old.

    - elasto

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  5. Dark Knight Rises

    Having seen The Avengers not once but twice and thinking it supremely fantastic entertainment, I return to my 8 year-old self to discuss the rest of the big summer blockbusters.

     

    NOW: Hey, buddy.
    THEN: Oh, hi.
    NOW: What’s the matter?
    THEN: The wooden time machine idea was a complete wash.
    NOW: Ah, yeah, sorry about that.
    THEN: I can’t believe Dad wouldn’t let me build a car out of lumber.
    NOW: Well, you’d have probably gotten splinters.
    THEN: And he really didn’t want me touching the electrical outlets. He’s so mean sometimes.
    NOW: Well, you won’t have to worry about him too much longer.
    THEN: What?
    NOW: Nevermind. HEY! I saw The Avengers like we talked about. Twice even. You’d really like it.
    THEN: Eh, maybe. Aren’t there any other cool movies?
    NOW: Sure there are. But, don’t you want to talk about Captain America and Hulk and—
    THEN: No.

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  6. I found an interesting Tumblr the other day called Advice For a Generation of Men. The blog is full of earnest advice on how to be a real man’s man. You know, the kind of stuff today’s panty-waisted betas need to be told because it doesn’t come naturally to them like it does to us.

    For the most part, the blog is spot-on, but some of his advice just seems a little too subtle. So I’ve gone through some of his posts and added my own clarifications in bold red text to better illuminate AFAGOM’s subtext.

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  7. Screen Shot 2012-05-29 at 9.49.23 AM

    Ever since I first saw the trailer for Iron Sky nearly a year ago, I had been eagerly awaiting the film’s release. I love a good B movie, so I had high hopes for the invasion of Nazis who had been hiding out on the moon ever since 1945. The fact that the President of the United States is a parody of Sarah Palin seemed like it could elevate the film from zaniness to potentially smart political satire. As it turns out, that was exactly its problem. As far as social commentary goes, Iron Sky thinks its smarter than it actually is.

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  8. YOLO

    Some of the most productive conversations I’ve ever had come from talking to my youth advisor/house cat Geoffrey.  Today, Geoffrey helped me to better understand how to utilize YOLO in regard to three point-of-purchase scenarios.

    Geoffrey, could you come in here when you get a chance?

    - Yes, sir, what is it?

    Geoffrey, what do you make of this YOLO word the kids are using lately?

    - You only live-

    Once, yes, you only live once, I know what it stands for Geoffrey.

    - Then what seems to be the problem, sir?

    The problem, Geoffrey, is that I can’t seem to figure out which situations warrant the use of a YOLO and which don’t.

    - You’re serious?

    Do I look like I’m joking, Geoffrey? Keeping up to date on the lexicon of the youth is essential in today’s social media marketplace.

    - So, you are serious then?

    *sigh* Geoffrey. Help me out. I’m at the store and I’m presented with a choice between a Sprite and a Diet Sprite. I choose the regular Sprite. Is this YOLO?
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  9. OVERLORD MANATEE

    This manatee is really big and the little girl is really little. That much can be inferred from the picture alone. But as is the rule on Reddit, if it’s a good photo it will inevitably become an series of macros – whether there’s a versatile premise behind it or not.

    At this point, all of the good archetypes have been taken. That really good looking friend, that scumbag you know, those awkward moments you’ve had, those paranoid intrusive thoughts, the sheltering mom, the parents with high expectations, the rednecks, the stereotypes, the counter-stereotypes, the good advice, the bad advice… It’s all been done.

    So here’s 12 of the 400 ways the same not-really-a-joke has been rehashed over the weekend.

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  10. GET THAT LOOK CATURDAY

    You like cats. You don’t just like cats, you live for cats. There’s nothing ironic about your desire to cover yourself head-to-toe in cat-patterned fabric. Or maybe there is some irony in there, but only to the extent that you can call it irony if anyone tries to judge you for it, even though you genuinely feel that you’re achieving a higher state of pure being-ness by squeezing as many cats into a single outfit as you possibly can.

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