Contrary to popular opinion, eating more egg yolks might be good for your heart health. [the atlantic]
According to another study, energy drinks like Red Bull and Crunk might be good for your heart too! [geekosystem]
Up top: A collection of vintage ads reminds us of the good old days when smoking was good for you. [thecuriousbrain]
When you’re a young celebrity, you can get away with murder. Do all the drugs on the planet and it’ll only make you more popular with both the press and the fans alike. As long as you look glamorous doing it, you can be sure to inspire your vacuous 16-year-old wannabe socialite fans to gab loudly on the train to anyone in earshot about how they can’t do Adderall tonight because they’re doing angel dust instead.
But before you know it, you’ve managed to stay alive long enough to avoid joining The 27 Club and the whole “hot mess” thing has begun to lose its charm. So what’s a “responsible” adult celebrity to do? Endorse LEGAL, potentially fatal, mind-altering substances, of course! It’s time to grow up and become a celebrity booze endorser.
This track from Harry Shearer’s latest album “Can’t Take a Hint” highlights exactly that kind of absurdity for “old” people like me who are equally as annoyed by the “cool mystique” of alcohol ads as we are by the annoying kids on the train that feel the need to talk really loudly about what drugs they’re doing tonight as though people will be impressed or something.
- Party pooper out. Get off my lawn.
It’s the summer, it’s sunny, it’s warm, it’s when most people are bright and chipper and when everything is great and shiny. But I have some bad news: The world is going to end, you guys. Soon, probably. We seem to be obsessed with the end times, to the point where we’re acting like it’s going to happen any day now. But, if it does happen, what would it look like? How will humanity meet its ultimate demise? All I have to go on are movies, books, and TV shows, because I’m a man child who’s afraid of everything, so here are the ways our world COULD end and the likelihood of this happening. Like most people who believe the end is nigh, I’m basing this on having done no research at all and all the figures I mention will be made up or partially remembered. Why? Don’t worry about it. It’s the Apocalypse!!!
Recently I was asked to serve as Modern Primate’s chief enfreakment correspondent. I’ve always had a soft spot for terrible things, so of course I jumped at the chance! For my first post, I’ll be taking my readers on a trip down memory lane. You see, there wasn’t always such a smorgasbord of what in the holy fuck, on television. But as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day – and neither did cable television open its farting vortex of wat in one fell swoop. No, the nation’s love-affair with weird came in increments, bolstered by the ascendency of TLC. Did you know that TLC, or as it was once known, “The Learning Channel,” was founded in conjunction by NASA and the Department of Health, Education and Welfare? It was, because of all the learning! When you think about it, the network hasn’t changed much over the years. Well maybe a little. Let’s take a look, shall we? Read More »
I thank God for our constitutional right to bear arms. If it wasn’t for that, how would we have defended ourselves against today’s shooting at the Empire State building? How would those innocent Sikhs have defended themselves against Wade Michael Page? How would the residents of Aurora Colorado have defended themselves against James Holmes?
It’s thanks to our right to bear arms that all of these near-tragedies were prevented. I praise the Lord for deigning unto us the right to carry concealed weapons and strike down the evil-doers who would cast the first bullet against us. Just think of how many people might have been killed had they not been allowed to defend themselves. Because that’s how that works.
Wedding Invitation of the Century: Somebody mocked up a Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne wedding invite exactly how one might expect such a thing to look. Crocs. [foxcoonicorn]
You are not so special: World’s top scientists declare that animals have conscious awareness too. [io9]
Fun with animal parts!: Scientists pump Cypress Hill’s “Insane in the Membrane” through a squid’s skin to watch the pretty colors change in sync with the music. [theverge]
Punny: What would Jesus drive? [sofapizza]
Up top: Yeah, that’s a goat saying “yeah.” [saraliz]
If there is one thing I dread getting in the mail more than bills are invitations to children’s parties. Always a cute little invitation with the day, time, and place that my children (two boys, ages 8 and 7) get really excited about seeing. Remember when getting mail was fun? Remember getting invitations to birthday parties? I loved going to them as a kid, I still love going to birthday parties for friends and family. My problem is going to birthday parties with my children’s friend’s parents. I don’t really know any of them and they don’t know me. I’m not a socially awkward person normally, at least I don’t think I am, but throw me into a room full of Moms and it’s like I am back in high school trying to decide where to sit in the cafeteria. All these moms seem to know each other and if they don’t they are best friends in the first five minutes of meeting each other. There must be some secret Mom language that I am missing out on. Occasionally, there are other Dads are at the party, but it’s no better – I’m not a regular dad, I’m a cool dad! I think.
You’ve probably already heard about the disastrous restoration attempt of Elias Garcia Martinez’ Ecce Homo recently that resulted in a famous painting of Jesus now resembling a monkey. If not, check out this article, then come right back.
Anyway, now that we’re on the same page, shit’s getting out of hand. The following images all link back to the respective Tumblrs where they were found, although they may not be their true sources. My apologies in advance. Read More »
I owe a great deal of gratitude to Reddit. I’ve received a fair amount of traffic from them in the past, as my “What Men’s Magazines Are Really About” post maintains a position among the top posts of all time to the OneY subreddit. I created original content that I knew the subreddit would enjoy, I submitted a link to it, and I’ve been able to enjoy the referral traffic for my work.
Additionally, my satire about the social media intern who died of butt bacon was a joke at the expense of Reddit, and I still receive occasional traffic to it from Something Awful, Fark, and other various message boards. So again, I have to thank Reddit for that.
I’ve submitted a great number of Modern Primate links to Reddit, along with some to Slacktory, to 11 Points, and other blogs that I like. And I’ve spent countless hours taking part in conversations on /r/minecraft and other subreddits I’m interested in. My account is nearly three years old.
But still, because of my habit of linking to my own site where I post my own original content, I’ve been labeled a spammer and have been banned. I’ve messaged the admins twice in the last two weeks, but haven’t gotten any response. It seems that the only way I could avoid this is if I were to relinquish any rights to my original content and post it exclusively to Imgur.
In effect, Reddit punishes the creation of original content, and rewards content theft.
My fellow Know Your Meme alum and former colleague Mike Rugnetta explores some interesting questions about how the output of Internet memes is increasing, their context seems to be decreasing, and profit-driven content aggregators are pretty much like “yeah so what?”
Watch the shit out of this. It’s good for your brains.
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