Modern Primate

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Posts Published November 2012

  1. Taken

    It’s once again time for me to eat a metric ton of riboflavin, do 35 jumping jacks, and make up a song called “I’m a Tugboat, Call Me Mel,” and travel into the land of the not-real to have another interview with a fictional character. Today, I’ve decided to pretend I’m talking to Bryan Mills, the ex-CIA agent father in the Taken films. I caught up with Mr. Mills at a café in Brussels, where he’s been assigned to protect the Czarina of Tokyo. The events occur in real time. Read More »

  2. Hey look at these people rioting at Wal-Mart on Black Friday. [gawker]

    Hey look at all these spiders in this tree. [bestofyoutube]

    Hey look at this picture of the Pope made entirely from condoms. [hypervocal]

    Hey look at Pat Robertson talking about how he thought God told him Republicans would win. [cynical-c]

    Hey look at Rush Limbaugh talking about how Republicans lost the election because they didn’t listen to him. [death+taxes]

    Hey look at how Andrew WK pulled a big prank on the media by fooling everyone into thinking the State Department had named him US cultural Ambassador to the Middle East, because that kind of thing is way more fun to report than to fact-check. [brokelyn]

    Up top: Please stand by…

  3. Outraged Netizens: Woman who provides housing for disabled people posts photos mocking the authority of signs, brave internet mob petitions for her to be fired. [gawker]

    That explains it: Study finds that people not only do terrible things when instructed to do so, but also feel justified when the group condones their actions. [science daily]

    More people being awful: Israel and Gaza fail to strike a truce agreement. [cbs news]

    For your eyeballs: the illustrations of Alejo Giraldo. [the curious brain]

    Up top: Learn how these Thanksgiving-themed cupcakes were made. [instructables]

  4. hercules title

    In 1982, Arnold Schwarzenegger hit the big screen in a pec-flexing way with the incredibly silly Conan the Barbarian. A year later, his Pumping Iron counterpart, Lou Ferrigno, made it to cinemas as another legendary strongman; in fact, it was perhaps the most famous strongman in historical fiction: Hercules. And while Ferrigno certainly had the physique – the veiny, lumpy physique – to play the Greek god, he didn’t have much else, certainly not from the production around him. Produced by Cannon Films honchos, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, and written and directed by Lewis Coates (nee Luigi Cozzi), the man behind our favorite piece of garbage, Starcrash, Hercules combined two of the filmmakers favorite genres: sword-and-sandal adventures and science fiction. Put ‘em both together and you get a huge pile of insanity in a bowlful of weirdness. Put it this way: it makes Conan look realistic and logical.

    Read More »

  5. Eye candy: Chacalal makes some interested 3D animated GIFs. [the curious brain]

    Puppies for the sake of puppies: Watch Bella shake with excitement when her person comes home. [petsami]

    Old men of the forest: Chimpanzees, orangutans, and other great apes can suffer mid-life crises just like humans, study suggests. [science daily]

    Shut up and listen: Dahlia Lithwick writes about being in Jerusalem during the current state of the Israel / Palestine conflict. [slate]

    Up top: Patrick Stewart narrates a promo for the cookbook Fifty Shades of Chicken. [superpunch]

  6. Kyle Anderson takes a look inside the terrible Chuck Norris flick Silent Rage in this week’s Awesomely Bad Movies.

  7. tglos header

    With fast food Frankensteins like the KFC Double-Down and the Doritos Taco making headlines in recent years, one might be lead to believe that freaky food mashups are a sign of a great American dumbing-down à la Mike Judge’s 2006 film Idiocracy.

    But with Thanksgiving just around the corner, I’m reminded of a long-practiced culinary tradition often overlooked by the food-porn-loving corners of the web — the spiritual forebear to the most obscene sandwiches seen today. I’m talking, of course, about the Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich.

    The Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwhich, or T.G.L.O.S. as I like to call it, is a mouthful in more ways than one! Generally consisting of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and cranberry sauce on a bun, there are as many variations as there are possible combinations of leftovers from any given Thanksgiving meal. Some feature green bean casserole, creamed corn, potato salad, deviled eggs, pumpkin pie, or literally anything else left uneaten from the previous meal.

    What follows is a truly vulgar display of excess while also being a tear-jerking tribute to gratitude and togetherness. Without further ado, it gives me great pleasure to present the 9 Greatest Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwiches I’ve found from across the web.

    Read More »

  8. Connect: Black Friday shoppers are already camped out by some Best Buy stores. [the consumerist]

    Consume: Ingress is Google’s augmented reality MMORPG. [geekologie]

    Keep Compulsively Clicking: WTFLevel tracks the level of swearing on Twitter in real-time as a humorous attempt to convey the world’s level of aggravation. [the verge]

    Reflect: Christy Wampole thinks you might hate hipsters because they represent a few of your own bad habits — that is, if you’re anything like her. [ny times]

    Up top: The Beer Hunter jacket from Enjoi offers plenty of room for stashing a 40 oz bottle because you’re so classy. [skatewarehouse]

  9. "Yeah, yeah that Gaza thing but what's this about no more Ding Dongs?" - Americans
    Danny Zuker

    - Hey, Boss. Are we gonna do anything else on the Twinkie beat? The Internet is blowing up with people talking about Hostess going under.

    So I’ve noticed, Geoffrey. People are having so much fun talking about how much they’re going to miss Twinkies that they seem to be completely unaware that they’re rehashing the same jokes from when the company nearly crumbled last summer, or like it did back in 2009. In fact, their love of saying “OMG HOW AM I GONNA EAT TWINKIES OMG ZOMBIELAND ZOMG TWINKIES” is drowning out any legitimate concerns for the thousands of employees who’ve lost their jobs because the company’s top executives gave themselves such fat pay raises. The loss of the Twinkie isn’t the real tragedy here. Fuck. Little Debbie still makes Cloud Cakes which are the same damn thing. The tragedy is that Hostess is blaming their employees for their own greediness and throwing them under the bus.

    - That would make a great visual! The Hostess CEO throwing the line-workers under a big Twinkie-shaped bus.

    But the Twinkie can’t be the bus in this metaphor. The Twinkies have been thrown under the bus along with the employees.

    - So how about that whole Israel/Palestine conflict? Have any ideas on how to cover that?

    *sigh* So, you were thinking something like this?

    - Well, it’s not your best work, but if it means we don’t have to weigh in on Gaza, then I guess it’ll do.

  10. No more Sno Balls, Ho-Hos, Twinkies, as Hostess announces decision to liquidate. [abc news]

    Like eating hot dogs? Then whatever you do, do not watch this video about how they’re made. [the stranger]

    Ohio cop dunks head in bucket of urine to win $450 bet, gets suspended from the force. [the daily dot]

    With Israeli soldiers and top brass Tweeting anti-Hamas propaganda, many are asking whether or not Twitter ought to intervene. [the week]

    Up top: It’s time for you to finally get around to watching that new Bjӧrk video with the oddly sexual geological CGI thingies. [youtube]

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