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How to Treat A Lady

  1. How to Treat a Lady Political Apparel

    Election day is less than 80 days away, and what better way to show your support than with useful/necessary products with the faces/logos of your favorite presidential candidate.

    Obama and Romney certainly think so, because they are hitting the ladies hard with their 2012 Campaign Stores. But now that the Comeback Kids are on their way, these new Romney/Ryan gift totes may just tip the scales. Check out the sweet merch they want all American females and their friends to have. (But especially females. &#$@ they need your vote.) Read More »

  2. How to Treat a Lady: Give Her the Gold

    It’s been a wonderful two weeks of athletic feats! Like, forget-that-you-should-be-working-and-not-streaming-the-olympics-at-your-desk-cheering kind of wonderful. As regular folk, it’s always inspiring to see what the human body is capable of. And you know what!? There’s a little bit of Olympian in all of us. Read More »

  3. How to Treat a Lady thumbs down

    That old adage about having the same interests as your lady of interest could not be truer than on the hallowed pages of THE social network. Facebook likes are pretty much the same thing as your real life activities/preferences/dreams/affinities.

    So how do you do it? Your liking of her likes. As “like” experts and Facebook referees, we’ve seen some interesting patterns. Read on to find out what you’re saying about yourself with every little digital thumbs-up.

    • The following is a transcript of your thoughts. Verbatim. “Oh, what’s that? She had an apple today? LIKE. You know what? I do like that picture of you and your mom in front of the Mall of America. LIKE. Why look at that? Her friend said exactly what I wanted to say about her. LIKE. Oh, I didn’t know she was into pizza. I LIKE pizza!!! She likes breathing air?!?! I LIKE BREATHING AIR!!!” Maybe you’re a little too generous with your likes. Or maybe you think Facebook is a game of Wack-a-Mole because you like everything that appears in your field of vision. Or maybe you are: Boring Read More »
  4. How to Treat a Lady: Olympic Cheers

    Rom-knee-yourself-in-the-face, you’ve just been gaffing it up in the Olympic-related area left and right, haven’t you? Listen, Rom-a-lom, you can’t just toss out insults without reasonable analyses or constructive criticisms. Also, Rom-a-loma-dong-dong, you have this platform to address some serious global issues during one of the most highly anticipated/televised events. But instead, you’ve chosen to make some mean girl remarks about our foreign Anglo brethren political allies. You know, Tiffany did that to Stacey once, and then everyone hated Tiffany, and then she lost the race for class president. Read More »

  5. how to treat a lady vintage batman comic

    She’s not going to want to go for the action or adventure because, hell, she’s a lady. You want a boy’s night out.

    That rough voice. That sculpted body. Those plastic pecs. She wants one thing:
    Read More »

  6. How to Treat a Lady

    One of the hardest things about dating, aside from making time for someone else, being responsible for that person’s feeling, and sharing your life with them, is answering the question, “WHAT ARE WE?!??!”

    Read More »

  7. How to Treat a Lady: Summer Heatwave

    MAN, the weather right?! The heat is so hot. And the hot is so heat. And the sun is just right there in your face. And perspiration, huh? Who knew summer could be so unpredictably heaty?? Read More »

  8. httal-oreo

    Women take snacking very, very seriously.  Before we put anything in our mouths, we always ask, “Does this align with our values? Our family values?” (Reminder: all women are mothers.) Well, that answer was a strong, “NO!” when we came across this little gem from the Nabisco family… pfff family. No family company would ever make something like this:

    You guys, it’s a rainbow Oreo cookie! Are you freaked out yet? Why aren’t you freaked out yet?! Don’t you know what this means? Rainbow = Gay. Gay = Rainbow. Rainbow Oreo = Gay Oreo. Gay Oreo = Gay Snacking. You are what you eat. You eat that Oreo and you’re going to become a gay. *slaps cookie out of hand* Don’t eat that! That’s how they get you! Phew. Okay, listen, if you want to keep you, your lady and your children safe: Never taste the rainbow. 

    Luckily, this was just a temporary photoshopped stunt, so Oreos are safe for consumption again… but what about the foods that are always rainbowed?

    Read More »

  9. How to Treat a Lady: Global Vagina Games

    Dear Michigan Senate and House of Representatives,

    You’re absolutely right. There is a time and a place for “female-specific gentialia” talk, and that time and that place is definitely not during a debate on reproductive health. What was Representative Lisa Brown thinking dropping V-bombs like that without warning?! ‘Scuse us, we mean without warming.

    You see, the problem isn’t that she said it. It’s that she used it out of nowhere. It’s like when everyone found out Ping was Mulan. You’re upset because you’re not ready, but then you’re cool when she starts saving the whole country. It’s just like that.

    So to avoid another V-gate, here are some games you can play to warm up the house floor. EEE! We can’t wait to see the look on your faces. You’re going to have so much fun!!!!

    Read More »

  10. httal-reading

    Remember when you showed up on the doorstep of the woman you had a crush on and recited a moving piece of poetry to her and she fell in love with you. No? You’ve never done that? You should probably do that.

    Read More »

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