Modern Primate

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  1. bfg to da 2 of 2 mp header

    In this episode of the BFG, Chris recaps the 2nd half of series 2.

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  2. mail bag wednesday header

    Starting immediately every Wednesday is now Mail Bag Wednesday. For those who may have skipped the reading comprehension lesson about context clues, every Wednesday I will be reading and responding to comments from the Modern Primate viewing audience.

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  3. Taken

    It’s once again time for me to eat a metric ton of riboflavin, do 35 jumping jacks, and make up a song called “I’m a Tugboat, Call Me Mel,” and travel into the land of the not-real to have another interview with a fictional character. Today, I’ve decided to pretend I’m talking to Bryan Mills, the ex-CIA agent father in the Taken films. I caught up with Mr. Mills at a café in Brussels, where he’s been assigned to protect the Czarina of Tokyo. The events occur in real time. Read More »

  4. hercules title

    In 1982, Arnold Schwarzenegger hit the big screen in a pec-flexing way with the incredibly silly Conan the Barbarian. A year later, his Pumping Iron counterpart, Lou Ferrigno, made it to cinemas as another legendary strongman; in fact, it was perhaps the most famous strongman in historical fiction: Hercules. And while Ferrigno certainly had the physique – the veiny, lumpy physique – to play the Greek god, he didn’t have much else, certainly not from the production around him. Produced by Cannon Films honchos, Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, and written and directed by Lewis Coates (nee Luigi Cozzi), the man behind our favorite piece of garbage, Starcrash, Hercules combined two of the filmmakers favorite genres: sword-and-sandal adventures and science fiction. Put ‘em both together and you get a huge pile of insanity in a bowlful of weirdness. Put it this way: it makes Conan look realistic and logical.

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  5. Kyle Anderson takes a look inside the terrible Chuck Norris flick Silent Rage in this week’s Awesomely Bad Movies.

  6. nerds

    I think it’s patently obvious to most, but I would consider myself a pretty huge nerd. Currently on my desk are knickknacks devoted to Doctor Who, Futurama, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. The amount of time I spend watching sci-fi movies pre-1980 is pretty staggering. I also have more graphic novels on my book shelf than regular novels, and that’s saying quite a bit. The point is, that I’m a nerd (or geek, or whatever you’d like to call it) and basically all through school it was evident to people who called me one, usually in the derogatory. I never had to prove how nerdy I was, nor did anyone. This is why it’s so increasingly ridiculous, now that “nerds” are more socially acceptable, that the term “geek cred” even exists. One’s entry into the “club” (another insane idea) should not be contingent on whether you like X, Y, and Z. What if I like X and Z, but Y is not my favorite? Am I shunned? Read More »

  7. racism video

    When people say racist things online, is it okay for bloggers to publicly ridicule them for it? What about when they’re minors? And how can you ever be sure they even are who they say they are in the first place?

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    I am not a part of the “Sea Punk scene.” I’m not entirely convinced that such a thing exists. Up until recently I was pretty sure that Sea Punk was just a thing that Lindsey Weber made up one day.

    I admit that there are people making pictures that borrow some visual aesthetics from the early 90s — poorly rendered 3D computer graphics, symbols like the yin yang, peace sign, and smiley face, dolphins and mermaids. Shit that you’d see on Pogs, Trapper Keepers, and anything Lisa Frank. So there are these people who call themselves web artists and profess to make Sea Punk art. And then when people like Rihanna and Azealia Banks use similar aesthetics in their productions, these so-called Sea Punk web artists get all mad about being ripped off.

    I’m very much an outsider to whatever this Sea Punk thing is. I haven’t gone to any great effort to study Sea Punk or become familiar with any of the notable works within the scene. I think my memories of things from my own childhood are probably all I need. From where I sit, as far as I can tell, Sea Punk is all about a certain kind of cynical engagement anyway. So I’m fairly certain that I can create Sea Punk art without having any working understanding from inside the scene. What I want, more than anything, is for a serious Sea Punk artist to tell me what my art and/or my perception of Sea Punk is lacking.

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  9. Troll poster

    For years, Troll 2 has been the high (or low) watermark for terrible, awful, inept, and overall shittiness in movies. Being who I am, I sought it out and watched with a mix of awe and revulsion. It’s putrid for sure, but I became increasingly interested to see the film that caused this unrelated sequel to get its name. I finally hunkered down to watch the original Troll from 1986 to see how it compared to what many consider the worst movie ever made… You guys. I didn’t think it was possible, but Troll might actually, somehow, be WORSE than Troll 2.  The latter at least has the excuse of having a cast of nobodies ranging from talentless and inexperienced to certifiably insane; there are actual known people in Troll and it has at least a passably large budget. It is both terrifying and insipid. Boy howdy.  Read More »

  10. Bond Craig

    Friday, finally, sees the wide US release of Skyfall, the 23rd James Bond film and the 50th anniversary of the series. The new title song by Adele is actually very good, in comparison to some of the more recent Bond themes. Part of the reason it’s great, aside from Adele’s amazing voice, is that the lyrics don’t try to do too much. It’s basically about standing tall together, with the usual references to Bond’s name and number being basically all he has. It’s a good little tune. This is not the case for a fair amount of the Bond themes over the 50 years which, despite being largely very catchy, are complete nonsense in the lyrics department. Read More »

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