Modern Primate

Earlier this year I wrote a post about how smelling like a dirty butthole doesn’t make you more of a man, the dangers of Nairing your crack, and why adding moist wipes to your routine is the way to go.

Well, recently I’ve started seeing this Cottonelle ad in which a mother, father, and daughter all talk about the nicknames they’ve come up with for wiping with both moist wipes and toilet paper, capped off with the now ubiquitous social media tie in: a call-to-action direction asking viewers to #NameIt on Facebook.

I kind of love this campaign. As if naming the act of wiping your ass with moist wipes wasn’t good enough, you can read and vote on the names that other people have submitted to the Cottonelle Care Routine Book of Names!

There are thousands to browse through, but some of my favorites are the ones where the user simply typed in their own name.

To all the Michelles of the world: We're very sorry, but you brought this on yourself.

Fun as it is, the user submissions are all moderated before appearing on site. My submission “The Crudbuster” wasn’t quite up to snuff. Thankfully, the Youtube comments feature some of the uncensored names.

Curiously though, some Youtube commenters have reacted with large amounts of hostility toward the premise of using poop humor to encourage stepping up their anal hygiene.

I guess some people really, REALLY aren’t comfortable discussing anything having to do with their butts. Silly people.