Modern Primate

man, that's deep

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I was just reading “Getting Your Man Card Back” by Paul Carter of Lift-Run-Bang, and some of the things that he said really hit home with me.

In the article, Paul describes what’s gone wrong with so many so-called men today – namely their relationships with their women, their kids, themselves, and the world.

“Most men I see today have become domesticated.  Owned up by their women/girlfriends, pussy whipped, fat and out of shape, or skinny and out of shape.  Pacifists who give too much of a shit about politics, not enough about disciplining their children, and not enough about being a leader in their house/home/life.”

I know, right? When I see some pussy crying about his wife needing birth control, I die a little inside. Man up and tell her that it’s a woman’s duty to let men decide what to do with her vagina. After that, it’s in God’s hands. Speaking of which, God created man in his image, so you ought to trust your girlfriends vagina with any man’s hands. Just not their own. That’s gross.

Death is SO WINNING, bro!

I can’t agree more with Paul about how it seems like no one disciplines their kids anymore. There’s nothing I like better than showing my 5 year old that daddy is the winner and the leader because he’s stronger. Every day I pin him down so he can’t move to remind him who’s in charge. I expect that one day he may kill me. But I look forward to that day, because then and only then will he have earned the right to call himself a man.

Paul’s wisdom continues:

“If your test levels have bottomed out and you find yourself washing your wife or gf’s toy dog for her on the weekend, then maybe it’s time to rearrange some shit.”

Just the idea that any man would wash his girlfriend’s lapdog makes me want to punch my son in the face. I mean, maybe if if it was a pit bull or a rottweiler or something cool it would be all right. But a toy dog? That’s gay. That’s as gay as calling your wife to let her know you’re on your way home. That’s as gay as playing with dolls with your daughter. That’s as gay as a father actually showing up to his son’s baseball games.

You know what? Never, under any circumstances should you do your wife any favors. If you help her with anything, then before you know it, she’s stealing your manhood by helping you. Real men don’t need help. Ever. With anything. Needing help is for gays.

“Get back in touch with your primal self by learning how to shoot a gun, how to field dress an animal, skin it, then eat it.”

So true! Cro-Magnum man invented the .357. Our index fingers and shoulders evolved to look the way they do because of millions of years of shooting primitive guns.  It’s science. Look it up.

“Put yourself out of your domestic shelter for a weekend or so.  You (probably) won’t die, and you’ll have some awesome fuckin stories to tell.  Just avoid anyone in the woods that asks you to squeal like a pig.”

Yeah, camping and survivalism are okay, but there is that constant threat that some burly woodsman might want to rape me like in Deliverance. I think about that every time I go camping. Every. Single. Time. It makes me value the camaraderie of the men sleeping next to me. But like, not in a gay way.

“You really have no reason to be fat.  None.  Be strong, be in shape. – Train like you’re going to have to fight Alistair Overeem in 8 weeks and see how that frame of mind changes you.

Or sit back behind your computer on an internet message board and make jokes about people who lift and run and are in shape because you don’t have the stones to be.”

Alistair Overeem isn’t really going to fight you, but you should make sure everyone around you knows that you could totally kick that guy’s ass. It’s not just about the shape, but the mindset. Constantly condition, physically and mentally, to defend yourself against imaginary future fights. Before you know it, you’ll start looking for fights. Others will sense this in you and respect it.

“If you can’t laugh at these bits then you are a whore, and deserved to be treated like one.”

That’s right. If you aren’t amused by Paul Carter then you deserve to be sexually assaulted by him. You can friend him on Facebook here.

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