Modern Primate

- Hey boss.

Yes?

- You’re still in the tub?

Uh huh.

- Wanna talk about the 9/11 conspiracy theories people are Tweeting about?

No.

- Wanna talk about the models spotted wearing Google Goggles and whether or not that will help people get used to being seen wearing the awkward device?

No.

- Wanna talk about the Impossible Projects instant film camera that works like an old Polaroid strapped onto an iPhone?

No.

- Wanna talk about this video that claims to provide the original context of a bunch of well known memes, while actually providing nothing about the circumstances under which those memes came to acquire meaning?

God no.

- Wanna talk about Chris Brown getting Rihanna’s battered face tattooed onto his neck?

What, what? 

- Well, he denies that it’s her. Apparently it’s some woman who’s not Rihanna with a black eye and cut lip.

Oh Jesus. Are you sure this isn’t some misinterpretation of a satire piece? Like when people thought Nicki Minaj was a republican?

- Everyone’s reporting that the tattoo is real, and that “sources close to Chris Brown” are denying that it’s Rihanna. It’s supposedly a “random woman.”

Okay, let’s play Devil’s advocate. Let’s suppose this is just a random woman. Chris Brown got a tattoo on his neck of a random woman’s battered face tattooed on his neck.

- Yeah. That’s still messed up.

Mmmhmm…

- And it’s totally Rihanna.

*sigh* Yep. It sure is.

- When will you be getting out of the tub?

When the Internet and all the people on it stop sucking so much, Geoffrey.

- Oh okay then. You go ahead and hold your breath until that happens. I’ll wait. Meanwhile, there’s a fantastic article in The Atlantic about why that’s not going to happen.

Wonderful.