Modern Primate

According to important scientific literature, millennial men are totally into cooking. GASP. Men in the kitchen, you say??? It’s true. Well, at least for the 24-year-old male mice used in this study…you should have seen their tiny cage kitchens! And their knife skills! That’s how Science works, right?

But seriously, now that dudes are scientifically proven to spend time in the kitchen, why aren’t you in a kitchen right now!? Use your skills for good! For example, say you’re into ladies, or maybe even friends with one. We’ve got some lady palate suggestions that have nothing to do with dainty salads, just-for-her white meat chicken broth, or low fat yogurt cultures. Show that modern 21st century girl in your life that you can cook and that you care. This menu tastes like budding romance.

Appetizer
First Impressadilla
Ingredients: corn tortillas, exciting cheese, chive sour cream for garnish, spicy conversation-starter salsa.

Get the night started off right with some savory goodness, compliments of YOU because you’re making this, remember? Nothing says, “Hey, I’m a man and I know how to treat you,” like co-opted Mexican cuisine. Simply, heat up some corn tortillas on a hot surface (pan, cookie sheet, or hot rock will do) and throw on some cheese. Voila! Now that’s what we call making a memorable First Impressadilla.

Entree
A Heart-to-Hearty Stew
Ingredients: stew beef, Worcestershire sauce, garlic cloves, bay leaves, onions, paprika, carrots, celery, short ribs, long charm, hopes and dreams.

Plant the seeds for a long-lasting bond with this stew of meaty meats and meaty character. Simply slice and dice all ingredients, throw them in a big pot and let them simmer away until all you’re left with is umami: the universal taste language of flavors and feelings. Potential conversation topics to ste…ruminate over: hopes, dreams, analysis of Mitt Romney sweater vests, the musical legitimacy of LMFAO, “who am I?“

Vegetarian Option
Baked Mac & Cheese
Ingredients: Shell pasta, cheese, flour, milk, mushrooms, garlic.

Try this meatless alternative with all the same meaty intention. It’s called comfort food for a reason. Cook pasta according to directions, while you whip up a roux rich in feeling. Add so much cheese. (Vegetarians only eat cheese.)

Wine Pairing
MerLOL
A fresh clean grape, made from locally-sourced kindness and fun times. Hahaha flirting heheheee.

Dessert
Bedroom EyesCream
Ingredients: half-and-half, whipping cream, sugar, hand-on-a-knee, peach preserves, vanilla bean, sweet nothings and sweet cuddlings.

Bring combined ingredients to 170 degrees and freeze in your ice cream maker, which you keep on hand to cool down any meal. So you can HEAT IT BACK UP, right?? Top the night off with this sweet snack so she’ll leave thinking, “That was just the most pleasant evening with a man in the 20-30s age bracket I’ve ever had.” Whether she says that tonight or tomorrow morning is up to you.

You did it! You’ve contributed to the truth of the study and you’ve used your cooking skills for good. Lady good. Gen Z? More like Gen ZEST SOME LEMONS FOR THAT SALMON ON A CEDAR PLANK.

How to Treat a Lady provides sensual advice every Friday. Brought to you by KK & Tien of Ladiez Home Journal, who both solemnly swear to No Dumb Girl Crap.