It’s national puppy day, so we’re gonna tell you all about the coolest fucking dog in the world: The Lhasa Apso! What’s the matter? Too insecure with your manhood to handle it’s glorious Fabio mane? It’s time for you to get over your issues and learn about how this particular puppy is objectively awesome.
These little badasses are considered to be the oldest dog breed in the world, and one of the closest relatives to wolves – they stand alongside Siberian Husky and the Malamute in the exclusive category of “Ancient Breeds”. This means they’re super intelligent like a wolf, with keen hunting and social skills. But because of their small size – just under a foot long and 15 lbs of SOLID MUSCLE – they’re able to easily live up to 20 years.
They roamed the mountains of Tibet as tiny mountain wolves for three thousand years before being domesticated by humans in 800 BC – making them one of the oldest breeds of dogs. They were bred to be TEMPLE GUARDIANS! That’s right. If you wanna collect a piece of the Triforce you’re gonna have to fight your way through one of these guys. Only you won’t find a weak spot, because they’re FLAWLESS.
In fact, the Lhasa Apso is said to be one of the only bodies fit for the spirit of a deceased lama that’s waiting to be reincarnated as a human. Because these little demigods could contain the soul of a fucking ancient sage they are never sold in Tibet, and may only be given as a gift.
Still think your favorite dog is awesome? Is a Lhasa Apso too much dog for you to handle? Think you’d be more of a man with a pitbull or a rottweiler? You know who else owns a Lhasa Apso? FUCKING SPIDERMAN.
That’s right. Spiderman’s dog, Ms Lion, is right up there with Krypto the Super Dog. Except Ms Lion doesn’t have any powers, in fact he (that’s fucking right, Ms Lion is a male you cissexist pig) is the only member of the Pet Avengers without any powers. BECAUSE BEING A LHASA APSO IS THE ONLY POWER HE NEEDS.
What more can you possibly want from a puppy? These awesome little dogs are super smart, super ancient, and super heroes. Just because they look like the host of an 80s exercise video doesn’t mean they can’t be TOTAL BADASSES.