Modern Primate

If you’re at all familiar with the 1980s Transformers toys, you might have seen Soundwave, a Decepticon that can turn into a cassette recorder.

Along with Soundwave, Hasbro produced a line of toys that could transform into micro-cassettes that fit inside of Soundwave’s chest-mounted cassette deck. The most popular of these were Buzzsaw, Laserbeak, Ravage and Ratbat, each re-released for the 25th anniversary during the 2009 San Diego Comic-Con.

Image Courtesy Transformers Wikia

But there were two other micro-cassette Decepticons that have been almost lost in Transformers history – an ape and an eagle that can combine to form a humanoid bot with an erection.

Unlike all other toys in the line, Beastbox and Squawktalk were sold together as a set of two, and each had three modes. Beastbox could become a cassette, an ape, or a humanoid upper body, and Squawktalk could be a cassette, an eagle, or a humanoid pair of legs. When the two combined, they formed Squawkbox.

"Bird Penis" still courtesy of blunghole on Youtube. Click the image for his review.

A keen-eyed observer might notice the unfortunate placement of the eagle’s head. When not fully folded inward, Squawkbox looks a little bit, well, excited. This is just a hunch, but it might have something to do with why the microcassette line was scrapped soon thereafter.

There are Wikipedia pages for almost every other Transformers micro-cassette toy. Even the less popular Rumble, Overkill, and Slugfest have their own pages. But for Beastbox and Squawktalk, the ape and eagle bots, no such pages exist. Considering the Internet’s penchant for inappropriately phallic children’s toys, it’s sort of a wonder that Squawkbox’s penis is a subject with such sparse coverage.

Given the toy’s rarity, the set generally sells for $100 on eBay, compared to the $10-$15 of most toys in the line. Maybe that’s the reason we haven’t seen more about the Transformer with a penis.