Modern Primate

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Posts Tagged “zombies”

  1. Apocalypse

    It’s the summer, it’s sunny, it’s warm, it’s when most people are bright and chipper and when everything is great and shiny. But I have some bad news: The world is going to end, you guys. Soon, probably. We seem to be obsessed with the end times, to the point where we’re acting like it’s going to happen any day now. But, if it does happen, what would it look like? How will humanity meet its ultimate demise? All I have to go on are movies, books, and TV shows, because I’m a man child who’s afraid of everything, so here are the ways our world COULD end and the likelihood of this happening. Like most people who believe the end is nigh, I’m basing this on having done no research at all and all the figures I mention will be made up or partially remembered. Why? Don’t worry about it. It’s the Apocalypse!!!

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  2. Tombs

    You know how sometimes you’re on a train, going to some glamorous destination spot, and you hop off because you’re mad at your boyfriend, and then you end up accidentally disturbing the resting place of an order of evil knights who’ve become bloodthirsty mummies? Right, it happens to everybody. In fact, we’re inundated with books, movies, and television programs about this very thing. Oh. Oh, wait, no, sorry – This doesn’t ever happen and has only got a couple of movies about it. In fact, we only have Spanish filmmaker Amando de Ossorio to thank for this concept even existing as he made a series of horror films in the 1970s which satiated the world’s desire to be scared of knights from the Crusades. The best of these is the very first one, La Noche del Terror Ciego (or “Night of the Blind Terror”), given the fantastic English title of Tombs of the Blind Dead. Read More »

  3. zombie

    Geoffrey, could you come in here a minute?

    - Yes, sir? What is it?

    Geoffrey, I’m wondering if we shouldn’t try to create some sort of Zombie content to help boost our visibility.

    - *sigh* Zombies, sir?

    Don’t take that tone with me, Geoffrey. I know what I’m talking about. Zombies are all over the headlines. This is one bandwagon we should hop on while it’s still fresh!

    - You think Zombies are… fresh?

    Yes, yes, I see what you did there. Very funny. But the incidence of the word Zombie in the news is at an all-time high, and searches are spiking higher than ever before! This is a hot trend! The Zombie Apocalypse is a big fucking deal!

    - Forgive the puns, but it’s a stale old meme that just won’t die.

    You’re serious, aren’t you?

    - Dead serious.

    Oh, Jesus Christ.

    - Him too.

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  4. lesraisons

    Everybody loves to pretend they know what wine is supposed to taste like. “Woody” and “nutty” are not things I’d like to hear when describing a beverage, but who am I to judge. Wine has always been a big thing in Europe, however, specifically France. They love the stuff; drink it like it’s water. It’d sure be a shame if something infected the wine and made people sick, wouldn’t it? Maybe even turn them into puss-spewing, murderous zombies. This is exactly what happens in Jean Rollin’s 1978 slow-paced gorefest: Les Raisins de la Mort, or to us ‘mericans: The Grapes of Death.

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