Modern Primate

Geoffrey, can you come in here?

- Sure thing, boss. What’s up?

I’ve spent the last couple of hours writing up this post called “10 Reasons I Need to Own a Gun” but I can’t publish it.

- Why’s that?

It was meant to be a satire of people who cling to their guns too much. I was making an argument that stricter gun control could have prevented the shooting, but doing it through humor.

- Yikes. Was it at least funny?

Mildly. It’s the kind of list that would have been great two weeks ago, but not in such close proximity to the tragedy. I need something completely unrelated to the shooting in Aurora. Tell me, what else is going on?

- What else? Um…

You’ve been online all day! What else is out there?

- I’ve been following the James Holmes trial down to the minute. It’s pretty much all I’ve been looking at. I can’t help it! There’s a new mugshot out with his eyes looking all crazy! Oh and there was a copycat arrested for taking a gun into the Dark Knight Rises up in Maine!

None of this helps me.

- Okay… uh… Sally Ride, the first American woman in space died of cancer yesterday.

Tragic, but I’ve got nothing on that.

- The NCAA banned Penn State from playing in any bowl games for the next four years and has to pay $60M in fines.

Yup, I heard about that. Justice is being served but I’m not really big on sports. What else?

- Four teens were among 10 people shot in Chicago over the weekend.

Wait, is there any relation to The Dark Knight Rises?

- No. It’s just America. Right to bear arms and all that.

God damn it, Geoffrey. I’m not going to be able to get out of talking about gun control, am I.

- It doesn’t look like it.