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  1. MARRIAGE EQUALITY HEADER

    Marriage Equality Avatar Efficacy

  2. cheerleader header

    Mail Bag Wednesday – “Cheerleader”

  3. what every man should know header

    What Every Man Should Know

  4. MAIL BAG SICK DAY HEADER

    Mail Bag Sick Day + Bonus Puppy Footage

  5. STEUBENVILLE VIDEO 2 header

    The “Gray Area” of Rape Culture

  6. R-WORD HEADER

    The R-Word

  7. health header

    Misogyny’s Impact On Health

Curt Rancor

Curt Rancor

Author

19 posts · 1 comment

I shave with broken glass.

  1. Vote or I’ll Murder You in the Face

    VOTE

    Hey panty-waists. Did you vote today? NO. I know you didn’t because I didn’t see you post any new Facebook status updates. You didn’t take a picture of your ballot and simul-post it to Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

    Well what’s wrong with you? You think you’re too good to tell people you voted? Well I voted. I voted the shit out of this election. I probably set a record for the most awesome voting ever.

    So why didn’t you post about how you voted on your Facebook? Huh? I bet you didn’t even vote. Well listen up, Nancy. Me and my boys are going to come over there and kick your non-voting ass. Fuck you for not voting! Fuck you! I’ll fucking kill you for not voting! GOD I’M SO ANGRY ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T VOTE. GOD DAMN IT! I JUST WANT TO ROUND UP EVERYBODY WHO DIDN’T VOTE AND FORCE THEM TO VOTE! I DON’T EVEN CARE WHO THEY VOTE FOR, THEY’RE FUCKING NANCIES FOR NOT VOTING! EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM! EVERY OTHER DAY OUT OF THE YEAR I’M TOLD I HAVE TO BE POLITE! I NEVER GET TO BE THE ASSHOLE THAT I WANT TO BE! I NEVER GET TO SHOW PEOPLE HOW ANGRY I AM SO I’M TAKING ADVANTAGE OF IT RIGHT NOW! IT’S MY TURN TO BE THE SANCTIMONIOUS ASSHOLE! OH MY GOD I’M SO FUCKING ANGRY WHY DIDN’T YOU VOTE WHY GOD DAMN IT FUCKING BALLS SHIT GOD

  2. Elect Mitt Romney to Defend Against Muslim Communist Jihad Apocalypse

    obamanation

    In the interest of representing diverse viewpoints, we’ve brought back resident Men’s Rights activist and Tea Party patriot Curt Rancor to weigh in on the upcoming Presidential election. Curt’s opinions do not represent those of Modern Primate as a whole.

    - The Editor

    Whether or not you agree with me, the fact of the matter is that we are at war. No, I’m not talking about the War on Terror. Obama has already conceded defeat on that front. No, I’m talking about the ongoing war in which Christians are defending themselves against Muslims. I’m not just saying that because he’s black. We truly are at the End of Days as predicted in the Book of Revelations, which is why it’s so important that we defeat Barack Hussein Obama in the 2012 election. Mitt Romney may not really be the right kind of Christian, but he’s close and he’s all we’ve got.

    Now, I know what you may be thinking. All that Apocalypse stuff isn’t really something we need to worry about in our lifetime. We need to defeat Obama so he doesn’t force us all to get gay married and have abortions against our will and line up our old folks into death camps and whatnot.  But while these are important issues, the fact of the matter is that the Muslim Dome of Rock currently stands where the Temple of David should be in Israel, and the Bible is clear that The Temple must be restored before the Lord’s will can be fulfilled. Read More »

  3. A Quick Note on Our Right to Bear Arms

    I thank God for our constitutional right to bear arms. If it wasn’t for that, how would we have defended ourselves against today’s shooting at the Empire State building? How would those innocent Sikhs have defended themselves against Wade Michael Page? How would the residents of Aurora Colorado have defended themselves against James Holmes?

    It’s thanks to our right to bear arms that all of these near-tragedies were prevented. I praise the Lord for deigning unto us the right to carry concealed weapons and strike down the evil-doers who would cast the first bullet against us. Just think of how many people might have been killed had they not been allowed to defend themselves. Because that’s how that works.

  4. The Obligatory Gore Vidal Post

    Gore Vidal is dead. I’m not well-read enough to fully appreciate the gravity of the situation. Before looking at Wikipedia, I was convinced Salman Rushdie was dead. If I sound like an idiot now, then be glad I’m not like the rest of these pretentious jerks putting together tributes obviously culled from his Wikipedia facts. Here, look at him calling William Buckley a Nazi. That’s always fun.

    h/t 3quarksdaily

  5. Democrats Incepted Bane to Thwart Romney

    rush

    I was listening to my boy Rush Limbaugh the other day, and he hit on an interesting point:

    “So this evil villain in the new Batman movie is named Bane. And there’s discussion out there as to whether or not this was purposeful and whether or not it will influence voters. A lot of people are going to see the movie. And it’s a lot of brain-dead people – entertainment, the pop culture crowd – and they’re going to hear Bane in the movie and they’re going to associate Bain… And the thought is that when they’re going to start paying attention to the campaign later in the year and Obama and the Democrats keep talking about Bain, not Bain Capital but Romney and Bain, that these people will start thinking back to the Batman movies: ‘Oh yeah, I know who that is!’”

    I couldn’t believe it! I’ve been a huge Batman fan for over 30 years, and Bane has been my favorite villain since he premiered back in ’93. But it never occurred to me that the character was devised as anti-Romney propaganda. And here’s how it happened.

    Read More »

  6. Questions People Ask Google About White People

     

  7. Fox News Launches Women’s Magazine!

    foxnewsmagazineheader

    Does your woman get jealous when she sees you reading a news website? Does her tiny lady brain find the layout of most news sites too confusing? Well, Fox News has the solution!

    Fox News Magazine is a new kind of news magazine, custom-tailored to the habits and interests of a woman. With a layout inspired by Pinterest, her delicate mind won’t have any trouble navigating features like Brooklyn Decker’s Beach Secrets, 8 Steps to Really Clean Windows, How to Keep Mealybugs out of your Flour, and other articles relevant to her unique lifestyle as a housekeeper and a wife.

    Read More »

  8. “Everyone’s Talking About Backgammon”

    A lot has been said about the pussification of today’s generation of men and I think I’ve pin-pointed the beginning of the end. It all started in 1974, with this ad for Roman Brio aftershave.

    Notice how the man in the ad admits that he’s willing to try playing backgammon. Granted, he knew well enough to distance himself from the limp-wristed backgammon by assuring the reader that he’s a poker player at heart. With its emphasis on reading body language, emotional cues, and other nonverbal communications, poker is truly an exercise in manliness. But tell your poker buddies you’re playing backgammon and they might think you’ve gone soft.

    Read More »

  9. Interesting Tumblr: Advice For a Generation of Men

    I found an interesting Tumblr the other day called Advice For a Generation of Men. The blog is full of earnest advice on how to be a real man’s man. You know, the kind of stuff today’s panty-waisted betas need to be told because it doesn’t come naturally to them like it does to us.

    For the most part, the blog is spot-on, but some of his advice just seems a little too subtle. So I’ve gone through some of his posts and added my own clarifications in bold red text to better illuminate AFAGOM’s subtext.

    Read More »

  10. The ‘Brown Note’ Discovered on Ukulele

    ukebusker

    Last week, Portland resident Asher Josiah worked as a busker and part time reseller of heirloom pickled eggs. But now, the self-styled ukulele playing egg man may have a new job with the Department of Defense.

    Weaponized sound may sound like something out of science fiction, but police and military units have been using the technology for years. Long Range Acoustic Devices (LRAD) recently made headlines when the NYPD deployed the non-lethal weapons on Occupy Wall Street protestors last fall. But while devices like LRAD use high frequencies to induce headaches and hearing loss, the legendary “brown note” serves a more embarrassing purpose.

    Read More »

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