Modern Primate

The Great Bacon Crisis of 2013, as its beginning to be known, is the worldwide shortage of pork products expected to strike next year. According to some industry trade groups like Britain’s National Pig Association, droughts in the US and Russia have left the planet without enough corn and soybeans to replenish the number of pigs at the same growth level as previous years.

To cope with higher grain costs, the livestock and poultry industries in the US are pushing for the suspension of a government mandate that requires them to use corn-based ethanol. In other words, the pig producers are saying that we can avoid a bacon shortage if they can burn petroleum-derived gasoline instead of renewable e-85. In other words still, maybe we won’t run out of bacon if we burn lots of gas. Stupid planet with it’s limited supply of oil; always trying to keep me from enjoying my bacon. If we gotta choose between bacon and oil, I choose America.

If we didn’t have so many copycats trying to turn what happened to Joshua Flaherty into the new planking we definitely wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.